A critical argument for those in the LGBTQ camp is that,
unless LGBTQ individuals are accepted by their parents and peers, they are
liable to commit suicide. This argument has a moral component. It can be argued that people who
reject the premises of the LGBTQ movement are committing “literal” violence and
endangering LGBTQ people with their “hate.” As such, the government is
justified in acting against social conservatives in ways that might otherwise
appear like a violation of conservatives’ freedom of speech and religion. There
is also a practical component. As a parent, regardless of what you think of
LGBTQ arguments, would you rather see your child become LGBTQ or be dead? I
wish to take this argument head-on and ask are their principles worth
sacrificing your children for?
I once did a post about the proper response of a parent
whose daughters became bell-bottom-wearing, lesbian Nazis. To return to this
basic premise, imagine that your child’s psychologist sat you down and solemnly
explained that your child now identified as a Nazi. They prefer to be called Adolf
and demand reconstructive surgery to become white and blond to match their “true
Aryan ubermensch selves.” Finally, they wish to have a swastika tattooed on their forehead.
The psychologist makes it clear that, unless you accept your child for who they
“really are,” they are liable to kill themselves. As such, they put the question to you: would you rather be the
parent of a living Nazi child or the parent of a dead child?
I would be willing to refuse the demands of such a kid. If a
social worker attempted to aid my child in order to save their lives, I would
insist that the government treat them no differently than any common kidnapper.
This is not because I doubt what the psychologist told me but because I have
principles that I am willing to die for and even willing to sacrifice my
children for. I believe in classical liberalism and seek to impart those values
to my children. If I had to choose between giving them the impression that I
was ok was Nazism and seeing them dead, I would choose their deaths. I would
even be open to the idea of outright killing them myself to protect society.
I do not think that this makes me a bad parent. The job of a
parent is not merely to take care of their children’s bodies but also to prepare
them to take their places within society. That larger society is more important
than their lives and may require their sacrifice. Sometimes, parents must send
their children off to war. My middle name comes from a nineteen-year-old cousin
who was killed in Lebanon several months before I was born. His parents sent him
off to serve in the IDF knowing that he might come back in a box and he did. Other parents must
deal with children who come out of the closet as Nazis. While such parents
might be tempted to simply love and accept their children for who they are, liberal
democratic society demands that you reject such children even at the cost of
their lives.
Sacrificing your children is certainly a high bar and there
are many things I would not be willing to sacrifice them for. Despite being a
traditionally observant Jew, I would rather my children reject Judaism than
damage their mental health and put their lives at risk. If this means that I must
accept their non-Jewish wives or even that they are in relationships deemed by
Leviticus to be abominations, so be it. That being said, I do believe that
human beings are born into societies and that we have no right to expect
society to refashion itself to suit our convenience. As someone on the autism
spectrum, this is something I am very conscious of. All my life, I have had to
accept that I must either conform myself to the dictates of society or be
prepared to pay a heavy price. You have the right to make your own lifestyle
choices but other people have the right to disapprove of those life choices and
to make their disapproval clear to you. If that disapproval causes you distress
and psychological harm even to the point of driving you to suicide, that is on
you and not them. Much as Nazism is an existential threat to liberal democracy,
I fail to see how a liberal democracy can hope to survive citizens who believe that
they not only have the negative liberty to make life choices but also the
positive liberty to not have other people disapprove of them. I am willing to
stand on this principle even at the cost of my children.
If my children become LGBTQ, I will still love them and want
to be part of their lives. That being said, I would insist on my right to make
my disapproval clear even to the point of taking largely symbolic actions like
refusing to attend their same-sex wedding or granting permission for them to have “gender-affirming” surgery. I recognize that this is liable to cause them great distress
and for that I am sorry but there are certain principles worth standing for
even at great cost.
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